Illinois couples frequently get divorced because they struggle to communicate productively. Unfortunately, communication between high-conflict couples does not always get better once a divorce is finalized. But when a couple shares children, effective communication continues to be essential for many years to come as parents navigate the daily hurdles of school, extracurricular activities, healthcare, and more. If you are going through a divorce and hoping to maintain healthy communication habits throughout your co-parenting experience, here are some tips from divorce experts that may help.

Communicate in Writing Whenever Possible

Avoiding in-person discussions, including phone calls, helps many high-conflict couples avoid situations that can quickly escalate. Divorced spouses tend to be quite good at pushing each other’s buttons and in-person communication allows couples to easily fall into old communication patterns that involve contempt, sarcasm, or dismissiveness. Instead, experts suggest communicating only in writing. Email is the best option for this because it is less urgent than text messaging and allows both parties time to cool off between responses. It also allows both parties to keep each other’s messages, which can make everybody think more carefully about what they say.

Set Firm Boundaries

If you say that you will only communicate via email, stick to that at the beginning of your divorce and never waver unless absolutely necessary. Perhaps many months or years down the road, when some time has passed and the feelings of anger or hurt are no longer as strong, you can relax these boundaries. However, setting firm boundaries early on will make them easier to abide by later. And, of course, when your ex sets boundaries, do your best to respect them.

Before same-sex marriage was made legal across the United States, gay and lesbian couples could enter into civil unions in Illinois along with their heterosexual peers and share the same rights as married spouses. But like all long-term relationships, not all civil unions last and when a couple decides to break up, the union must be dissolved. If you are in a civil union in Illinois and are contemplating separating from your partner, you may want the help of an experienced civil union dissolution attorney. Here are three common questions about dissolving civil unions in Kane County.

How Do We End Our Civil Union?

Ending a civil union is very similar to ending a marriage. A partner wanting to dissolve their civil union will need to submit a Petition to Dissolve a Civil Union to the local court and, just as with divorce papers, the petition will be served to the partner. And similar to a marriage, certain issues need to be resolved: spousal support, marital asset division, and, if there are minor children, child support payments, parental responsibilities, and parenting time.

How Long Does it Take to Dissolve a Civil Union?

Couples who can agree on all necessary issues will generally have a faster, less complicated dissolution, but there is no simple formula to predict how long ending the relationship will take. A mediator can help partners resolve differences and focus on problem-solving so they can create an agreement that compromises on the needs and priorities of both parties.

Before most of us get married, we have idealistic ideas about relationships and how easy our lives will be once we find “the one.” On the day of your wedding, it can be hard to imagine that divorce could ever be on the horizon. Yet relationships are complicated, and the prevalence of divorce is well known.

Spouses in Illinois sometimes get divorced for clear-cut issues like domestic violence and infidelity. But for others, the question of when to leave a relationship can be more complicated. A good spouse does not have to be a perfect person, and life’s challenges can make even the best couple question their ability to overcome a tough time. But when does a tough time last for long enough to make you doubt the permanence of your relationship? While only you can know whether it is right to file for divorce, here are some signs that it may be time to go your separate ways.

You Are Not Longer Intimate - And You Do Not Care

Couples naturally go through periods where one spouse is more interested in sex than the other. Sometimes, neither spouse expresses much interest in intimacy. As long as each partner feels comfortable and communication is open, these periods do not have to pose any threat. But when you stop being intimate with your partner and no longer care, this may be a sign that something more serious is afoot. In general, when one or both partners is not interested in addressing problems that bother the other partner, it does not bode well for the future of the relationship.

Most spouses sincerely hope that the moment they receive their divorce decree, problems with their ex will improve. Although in many cases this is true, for some people, finalizing their divorce is only the beginning of further legal battles. Divorce decrees are legally binding - meaning that to violate the terms of the divorce decree is to break the law - but that does not stop people from simply choosing not to hold up their end of the deal. When this means not paying spousal support or child support, this can have serious consequences for a family. If your former spouse has decided not to follow your divorce decree, read on to learn more about your options for enforcement.

What is Considered a Violation?

For someone to violate a divorce decree, there must be a current, valid court order. Even if you were never married, having a court-ordered parenting agreement and child support order is crucial for ensuring you get the help you need. A verbal agreement between two people is not legally enforceable.

Next, your ex must be willfully and meaningfully violating the order. A one-time, accidental violation, such as forgetting to send a child support payment on time but sending it a few days later, would be insufficient to take legal action.

Before January 1, 2019, divorcing spouses in Illinois could sometimes receive something known as “unallocated maintenance.” While most people are familiar with child support and spousal support (also known as alimony or spousal maintenance), unallocated maintenance was less common. Until the law changed, unallocated maintenance allowed spouses to receive money that could be used for both children and themselves, with certain tax implications.

Recent federal tax laws removing unallocated maintenance as an option may have consequences for individuals receiving unallocated maintenance who want to modify their divorce decree. If you are receiving unallocated maintenance and want to learn more, read on.

Tax Implications of Unallocated Maintenance

Child support payments in Illinois are “tax neutral” - the spouse who makes payments cannot deduct them from their taxes, and the parent who receives payments does not pay income taxes on them. But before 2019, spousal support was tax-deductible and the receiving spouse had to pay income tax. Sometimes, unallocated maintenance was used as an option for combining spousal and child support when one spouse made significantly higher income than the other, simplifying matters and providing tax benefits for the receiving and the paying spouse.