Whatever the reason is for ending the marriage, gray divorce can be complicated for everyone involved.
Spouses who have been married for decades will have accumulated numerous marital properties that they must divide in the divorce. They are also more likely to have high-value assets that they were able to purchase after years of saving money. Retirement plans have unique importance during a gray divorce. Each spouse will soon be relying on his or her retirement benefits, which have had time to accrue great value. In most cases, either the whole retirement plan is marital property or the amount that it increased in value since the spouses were married. Spouses must determine how much of the retirement money that they want to protect and what they would give up in exchange.
A stereotypical parenting agreement in a divorce results in the children living with the mother and the father paying child support. A father who does not make his required child support payments may be labeled a deadbeat, and the mother may go to court to enforce the payments. However, divorced fathers sometimes do not do enough to pursue child support from the mother when the parenting roles are reversed. They may be following a societal bias about their parental role, even though the law does not have the same bias.
It is still a common family arrangement for the father to be the provider and the mother to be the caretaker, but there are more families that do not follow those gender roles than in previous decades. It may be more sensible for the father to be the primary caretaker if:
Moving is a good time to assess which items you no longer need after your divorce. Some items are impractical for you to keep as a single adult. You may want to purge yourself of other items because they remind you of your marriage. There is nothing wrong with getting rid of otherwise useful items because of your emotions towards them. Before throwing out or giving away an item, you should ask yourself:
You will have a heavier financial burden after your divorce because you will be individually responsible for your expenses. Your individual income may be unable to afford your married lifestyle. You can adapt by budgeting your money and cutting back on your living expenses, but you should also try to maximize your individual income and assets. There are several ways that you can prepare yourself for this in your divorce agreement:
You can ask the Illinois Department of Child Support Services to enforce your child support agreement if the state processes your child support payments. The DCSS will investigate your claim to confirm that your co-parent is not making the required child support payments. The DCSS has several ways of enforcing child support orders, including:
The cost of the divorce process is one factor that may cause spouses to hesitate in getting a divorce. Studies have estimated that the average divorce in Illinois costs $13,800, which puts the state in the top third of the most expensive states for divorce in the U.S. It is reasonable to consider whether you can afford a divorce if you are heavily in debt or lack financial resources. However, avoiding divorce when it is necessary keeps you stuck in an unhealthy relationship. You also risk your marriage worsening to the point that divorce is unavoidable and more expensive than it would have been before. By understanding the costs involved in the divorce process, you can find ways to save money.
Attorney Cost
Having a skilled divorce attorney is invaluable to you, but it is also likely to be your largest expense. You can shop around to find an attorney you can afford or explore financing options. However, you may be able to save more money by being efficient in your use of your attorney. Attorneys are often paid based on billable hours that they work, and you can reduce the hours by:
Every divorce case will require an appearance in court to at least finalize the dissolution of marriage and approve the divorce agreement. However, a divorce case in which there is a dispute may require you to testify at a hearing. Testifying can be an intimidating experience because you will be asked several personal questions, some of which may seem like an attack on your character. Fortunately, you will have time to prepare for your day in court because divorce hearings often move slowly. You cannot predict every eventuality, but you can ready yourself for the experience:
Parenting time is one of the primary ways you can address your children’s needs after a divorce. You and your spouse may disagree about how the parenting time should be divided because you each believe that your children will be best off by spending as much time with you as possible. However, concerns about the quantity of parenting time can sometimes overshadow the importance of the quality of parenting time. Whether you have a majority or a minority of parenting time, it is important that you use that time effectively to address your children’s emotional needs and help them through the difficult adjustment.
Silent Struggles
Children of divorce need acute attention from their parents because the process has left them with many questions and doubts about their lives. Unfortunately, parents who are caught up in a divorce may not notice their children’s struggles and assume that their children will tell them if something is wrong. Your children notice how the divorce upsets you and may be afraid that asking questions will draw your ire. They are waiting for you to notice that they are upset and to talk to them. When you fail to do so, they may conclude that you do not care, which can cause depression and resentment.
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