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The Financial Complexities of Gray Divorce
People 50 and older are the only age group in the U.S. for whom the divorce rate has increased in recent years. Divorce researchers use the term “gray divorce” to categorize older couples who divorce after decades of marriage. There are several theories for why a couple may divorce at this stage in their lives:
- Empty nesters and retirees no longer have children or careers to distract them from their relationship;
- The couple may have married because it was expected rather than because they were compatible;
- A midlife crisis can make people anxious to create a more satisfying life while they can still enjoy it; and
- People can change after decades of marriage.
Whatever the reason is for ending the marriage, gray divorce can be complicated for everyone involved.
Division of Property
Spouses who have been married for decades will have accumulated numerous marital properties that they must divide in the divorce. They are also more likely to have high-value assets that they were able to purchase after years of saving money. Retirement plans have unique importance during a gray divorce. Each spouse will soon be relying on his or her retirement benefits, which have had time to accrue great value. In most cases, either the whole retirement plan is marital property or the amount that it increased in value since the spouses were married. Spouses must determine how much of the retirement money that they want to protect and what they would give up in exchange.
Four Ways to Save Time on Your Divorce
Time is the variable that is most likely to drive up the cost of your divorce. Having extended negotiations and attending multiple court hearings will increase your legal and court costs. The advantage of creating a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement is that you have already decided how you will divide properties and whether one of you will pay spousal maintenance. If you are entering a divorce without an agreement, there are still ways that you can save time and cost on your divorce:
- Start Prepared: Identifying and valuing your marital properties is a time-consuming part of your divorce. Your divorce attorney can investigate this for you, but you can speed up the process by giving him or her a list of marital properties and documents related to their value. This saves your attorney from having to file requests for this information.
Requesting Child Support as a Father
A stereotypical parenting agreement in a divorce results in the children living with the mother and the father paying child support. A father who does not make his required child support payments may be labeled a deadbeat, and the mother may go to court to enforce the payments. However, divorced fathers sometimes do not do enough to pursue child support from the mother when the parenting roles are reversed. They may be following a societal bias about their parental role, even though the law does not have the same bias.
A Father’s Role
It is still a common family arrangement for the father to be the provider and the mother to be the caretaker, but there are more families that do not follow those gender roles than in previous decades. It may be more sensible for the father to be the primary caretaker if:
- The mother has a more demanding and profitable career;
Making Your House Feel Like Home After Divorce
At least one of you will be moving into a new home after your divorce, and it is possible that both of you will be moving if you choose to sell your marital home. Settling into a new home can be stressful, especially when combined with adjusting to being single. Even if you get to keep your old home, it may feel noticeably emptier without your spouse. You will need time to adjust to your new living situation, but personalizing the appearance of your home can help you with the transition.
Decluttering
Moving is a good time to assess which items you no longer need after your divorce. Some items are impractical for you to keep as a single adult. You may want to purge yourself of other items because they remind you of your marriage. There is nothing wrong with getting rid of otherwise useful items because of your emotions towards them. Before throwing out or giving away an item, you should ask yourself:
Preparing for Financial, Emotional Adjustments After Divorce
Before starting your divorce negotiations, you should ask yourself what comes next for you after your divorce. Though you may not have specific answers, you do know that your life and your needs will be different than when you were married. Your divorce agreement should help you meet your financial and emotional needs, whether it is through the division of property, spousal maintenance, or the allocation of parental responsibilities.
Financial Needs
You will have a heavier financial burden after your divorce because you will be individually responsible for your expenses. Your individual income may be unable to afford your married lifestyle. You can adapt by budgeting your money and cutting back on your living expenses, but you should also try to maximize your individual income and assets. There are several ways that you can prepare yourself for this in your divorce agreement:
Enforcing Child Support Payments from Your Co-Parent
Illinois made its child support system more equitable when it started using an income shares model to determine payments. With the model, each parent pays a share of the total child-related expenses that is proportionate to their comparative incomes. Still, some parents do not pay their mandated child support, leaving the other parent with a disproportionate financial burden. As a parent, you have legal means of enforcing your child support agreement. A court or state agency can seize the money from your co-parent or punish him or her for not complying.
State Agencies
You can ask the Illinois Department of Child Support Services to enforce your child support agreement if the state processes your child support payments. The DCSS will investigate your claim to confirm that your co-parent is not making the required child support payments. The DCSS has several ways of enforcing child support orders, including:
Four Reasons to Stay Off Social Media During Divorce
Social media is a potential pitfall for divorcees because your spouse can use the content you post against you in your case. Social media users often share information about themselves without considering who can see it and how others could interpret it. You can best protect yourself by not posting anything on your social media account during your divorce. There are several ways that remaining active on social media can hurt you in a divorce case:
- Your Content Reflects Your Character: Your behavior during your divorce can influence a court’s decision on the allocation of parental responsibilities and the division of property. People often post pictures of themselves on social media having fun or out with friends. Your spouse could portray a seemingly innocent post as evidence that you are irresponsible as a parent and budgeter of your finances. Defending yourself against these accusations distracts you from other work in your divorce.
How to Save Money on Divorce Expenses
The cost of the divorce process is one factor that may cause spouses to hesitate in getting a divorce. Studies have estimated that the average divorce in Illinois costs $13,800, which puts the state in the top third of the most expensive states for divorce in the U.S. It is reasonable to consider whether you can afford a divorce if you are heavily in debt or lack financial resources. However, avoiding divorce when it is necessary keeps you stuck in an unhealthy relationship. You also risk your marriage worsening to the point that divorce is unavoidable and more expensive than it would have been before. By understanding the costs involved in the divorce process, you can find ways to save money.
Attorney Cost
Having a skilled divorce attorney is invaluable to you, but it is also likely to be your largest expense. You can shop around to find an attorney you can afford or explore financing options. However, you may be able to save more money by being efficient in your use of your attorney. Attorneys are often paid based on billable hours that they work, and you can reduce the hours by:
Getting Yourself Ready to Testify in Divorce Court
Every divorce case will require an appearance in court to at least finalize the dissolution of marriage and approve the divorce agreement. However, a divorce case in which there is a dispute may require you to testify at a hearing. Testifying can be an intimidating experience because you will be asked several personal questions, some of which may seem like an attack on your character. Fortunately, you will have time to prepare for your day in court because divorce hearings often move slowly. You cannot predict every eventuality, but you can ready yourself for the experience:
- Practice Answering Questions: Your attorney has been through many divorce hearings and will know what questions you will be asked. You can have a mock hearing, in which you practice how you will answer the questions.
- Dress Appropriately: Your attire should match the formality and professionalism of the courtroom. However, you should not overdress or appear flashy. This may make you seem cocky and contradict your message if you are trying to argue that you need more assets from the divorce. Conservative business attire is usually a safe bet.
Children Need Parental Attention After Divorce
Parenting time is one of the primary ways you can address your children’s needs after a divorce. You and your spouse may disagree about how the parenting time should be divided because you each believe that your children will be best off by spending as much time with you as possible. However, concerns about the quantity of parenting time can sometimes overshadow the importance of the quality of parenting time. Whether you have a majority or a minority of parenting time, it is important that you use that time effectively to address your children’s emotional needs and help them through the difficult adjustment.
Silent Struggles
Children of divorce need acute attention from their parents because the process has left them with many questions and doubts about their lives. Unfortunately, parents who are caught up in a divorce may not notice their children’s struggles and assume that their children will tell them if something is wrong. Your children notice how the divorce upsets you and may be afraid that asking questions will draw your ire. They are waiting for you to notice that they are upset and to talk to them. When you fail to do so, they may conclude that you do not care, which can cause depression and resentment.
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