Marital Health: Warning Signs May Be Evident in the Bedroom

 Posted on March 17, 2026 in Divorce

Many people are familiar with commonly cited stats on the biggest issues in relationships: poor communication, problems with money, and, of course, disagreements about sex. It is certainly true that difficulties in their sex life contribute to many couples’ divorces in 2026.

Sexual relationships, though, can serve as a kind of bellwether for couples in many ways. It's worth paying attention to them if you want to stop your marriage’s downward spiral before it gets too far. It can also help you understand if this isn’t a passing phase – if there are problems too deeply rooted in the relationship to save it. If that’s the case, a Kane County divorce attorney can help you prepare to take the next steps.

Are Problems in Our Sex Life a Good Enough Reason to Get Divorced?

Sexual satisfaction is very important to the health of many, if not most, marital relationships. Even Illinois law values intimacy in a marriage. One of the (rarely cited) grounds for an annulment in Illinois is actually when a person marries someone incapable of having sex without knowing it beforehand.

Intentionally withholding sex can also be grounds for divorce in some other states. In these states, it’s called "constructive abandonment" or "constructive desertion." Because Illinois is a no-fault divorce state per law 750 ILCS 5/401, you don’t have to prove that your partner was using sex as leverage or punishment. All you need to cite are "irreconcilable differences." Withholding sex can certainly contribute to a marriage being "irreconcilable," though.

All that being said, simply not having sex often isn’t a reason for most couples to get divorced in and of itself. Even disagreements on how much or what kind of intimacy to have aren’t necessarily a reason to split. Many couples reconcile themselves to differences in intimacy expectations and carry on that way for the rest of their marriages. The reasons why you and your spouse are having disagreements are much more important than the simple fact that you’re disagreeing.

Does It Mean We’re Going to Get Divorced If My Spouse and I Have Stopped Being Intimate?

Just because a couple is having a dry spell doesn’t mean that they’re headed for separation. If you and your spouse are having issues in your sex life, though, it’s a great opportunity to look at other things in the marriage that may be problematic. Oftentimes, sexual disagreements are symptoms of other issues in the relationship. Hidden resentments, self-consciousness, stressors from work, family, health issues, etc., or a breakdown of trust can all make physical intimacy feel impossible.

What a Lack of Intimacy in Your Marriage Might Be Telling You

If you find yourself consistently making excuses to avoid physical contact, it may be worth asking some honest questions. The same is true if you sense that your spouse is being intimate out of obligation rather than desire.

• Is there unresolved conflict that keeps getting avoided rather than addressed?
• Does one partner feel criticized, dismissed, or chronically unheard? Are you both making an effort to show the other person you value them?
• Is one of you dealing with physical or emotional insecurities that might make them afraid to be open?
• Are there external stressors like financial strain or parenting pressure pulling you apart?
• Has there been a breach of trust that was never fully repaired?
• Are either of you holding onto grudges or pettiness?

In many relationships, but especially heterosexual ones, one partner (typically the man) may feel emotionally close after physical intimacy, while the other can’t even think about sex until she feels emotionally secure. Psychology Today notes that while men tend to bond over shared activities, women lean into communication, affection, and emotional closeness. When life becomes stressful, these tendencies can start a cycle in which one person, wanting sex to help them relax and feel emotionally secure, gets shut down by their partner, who wants to feel relaxed and secure before they will consent to have sex.

Marriage counseling seeks to address cycles like this by helping partners fully express the thoughts behind their actions. Therapists also have strategies to work through any issues that are preventing one or both partners from feeling like they can be emotionally and physically open.

How Do I Know If Divorce Is the Right Answer?

There are relationships where sexual issues are the symptom of something deeper that can’t be resolved or counseled away. If there are significant differences in the values, priorities, or goals between you and your partner, divorce may actually be the best option.

If you find yourself at that point, it is important to understand your legal options and what the divorce process looks like in Illinois. Knowing what to expect can make a painful process feel less overwhelming.

Call a Batavia, IL Divorce Attorney Today

If you feel like your marriage is trending toward divorce, contact a Kane County divorce lawyer at the Law Office of Van A. Larson, P.C. We’ll advise and help you through every step of this difficult process. Call the Law Office of Van A. Larson, P.C. at 630-879-9090 today to schedule a free consultation.