233 W. Wilson Street, Batavia, IL, 60510

How to Use Social Media to Tell Others About Your DivorceOne of the many uncomfortable tasks that you have following your decision to divorce is when and how to tell others about it. You need to break the news personally to your children and close family members. Some friends may also deserve to hear the news directly from you. What about the other people you interact with on a regular basis? It could be emotionally tiresome to repeat your divorce conversation with all of your friends and other social acquaintances. Some couples will instead announce their divorce on social media. Before you decide whether a social media announcement would be right for you, you should consider the potential benefits and pitfalls.

Advantages of a Social Media Announcement

The most appealing part of announcing your divorce through social media is that it removes the pressure of having numerous in-person conversations about your divorce. Beyond that, a well-executed social media announcement can help you control your public message about your divorce:

  • You and your spouse should use the same announcement so that your message is consistent.
  • You can set the tone for the message, whether it is somber or more hopeful.
  • You can use filters to determine who is able to see your announcement.
  • You can set clear boundaries for talking about your divorce any further.

Setting the right tone in your announcement can be helpful if you are worried about how people will respond to it. Your friends should follow your lead if you express that you hold no resentment or want to focus more on your roles as parents.

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Posted by on in Illinois divorce lawyer

unhealthy marriage, divorce, Kane County Divorce AttorneysKnowing when to call it quits can be one of the most complicated decisions when it comes to marriage. Facing divorce may seem not such a big deal, given its common occurrence in today's society, but when actually confronted with the decision to split from your spouse, it is not always as easy as it looks. Understanding your own personal reasons for divorce can help to soften the blow—that is, knowing that your relationship is not as healthy as it should or could be can help you to move on with confidence in your decision. So just what makes a relationship or a marriage an unhealthy one, and not just one plagued with the normal ups and downs (mostly downs) of everyday life?

There are several signs that indicate that the marriage is unhealthy and unsalvageable, neither by therapy nor perseverance. One of these is if your spouse is an addict. If your spouse is an addict, he or she may be able to move past the addiction with proper care and therapy, but if he or she has already gone through this and it has not proven effective, then divorce may be the way out. Another is if he or she is abusive. This does not necessarily have to be physical (emotional and financial abuse are real issues that are almost as equally unhealthy), but if there is physical abuse, divorce is most probably the best solution.

There are smaller issues that indicate that divorce is a good option for you as well. If you feel as if you cannot take your spouse with you anywhere, for example—if he or she embarrasses you or engages in public behavior with which you do not identify—it will be difficult to find common ground. Having the ability to engage publically with your spouse is key to a successful marriage. There is also, of course, the issue of communication. If your spouse cannot communicate in healthy ways, and resorts to screaming or lying, the marriage will not ultimately work.

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Posted by on in Illinois divorce lawyer

regrets, divorce, Illinois divorce lawyerTo forgive one’s ex-spouse during and after divorce may seem like an impossible task, but it is an essential one if a person is ever expected to move on and begin a new life. Letting go of resentment and regret is one of the single most important things you can do during divorce to not only lay the groundwork for an easier time in court and during legal proceedings, but also for settling into your new normal once the divorce has been finalized.

Regret is caused when we feel that we have made a choice that was not healthy for us, or wishing that we could reverse a choice—and its consequences—that we have made. The younger a person is, the easier it is to learn from those emotions and make changes that avoid that outcome in the future. When a person is older, of course, he or she has less time to undo or reverse those actions—and so will likely experience stronger and more lasting pangs of regret.

Psychological research has shown that women tend to experience regret more often when it comes to romantic or physically intimate relationships. Of women surveyed, 44 percent reported having some form of romantic regret, while less than 20 percent of men reported having such feelings. Men are more likely to replace partners quickly after the end of a romantic relationship, however, which could be one reason for the disparity in response. Respondents of both genders who were currently in a romantic relationship had less regret about the end of a previous one.

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divorce, financial, Illinois family lawyerWhen you are getting divorced, there are a myriad of things to think about. Finances, of course, are one of them. When you are preparing for divorce, making sure that all your financial affairs are in order will not only to help the process itself go more smoothly, but can also help foster the beginning of your newly-single life. Securing your financial future while you are still married can help to build your confidence as you negotiate other (sometimes more emotionally-draining) aspects of divorce, such as the family home or childcare. You can also rest assured if your finances are under control that, even if you were not the primary breadwinner in the family, you will still be financially stable after dissolution.

There are several things that you can do to help ease the financial transition of divorce. The first is to make a budget. This may seem elementary, but no matter what, the first step toward financial independence is to make sure that your expenses are balanced with your income. Knowing where your money is going is essential—it may be easier to think of it as a spending plan instead of a budget. Having an emergency fund will likely be a good idea as you just get on your feet toward financial independence as well. Ideally, this emergency fund should be enough to cover three to six months of your expenses.

Another important step is to review (and most likely change) the beneficiary on your life insurance or retirement accounts. If you shared these with your ex-spouse, forgetting to change the name on the actual account can result in serious complications later. Be sure, however, that your divorce agreement will allow you to make such changes, as life insurance and retirement accounts may be used to balance the division of marital assets.

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Posted by on in Illinois divorce lawyer

divorce, decree, agreement, Illinois divorce attorneyWhen you are dissolving your marriage, it is not official until the court issues a divorce decree. A divorce decree legally separates you from your spouse and lays the outline for what will happen with your shared assets and childcare plans, if applicable. A divorce decree is different than a divorce agreement, as a divorce agreement outlines the expectations and duties of each party after the divorce.

While some states mandate that a couple must wait for a specified number of days between filing for divorce and signing the agreement, Illinois is a bit different. In Illinois, a couple must be able to prove that they have been living separately (this can be in a shared residence) for a minimum of six months before a divorce decree will be granted on the grounds of irreconcilable differences. Other divorce grounds may not apply such a separation period.

Just because it has all been agreed upon and settled, however, does not mean that both parties will automatically honor it. For some couples, especially if the divorce was high-conflict, it can be just as difficult to enforce the agreed-upon divorce decree or agreement as it was to dissolve the marriage. In some cases, one party to the divorce will not follow through with his or her end of the deal, or will try to alter the divorce agreement after it has been signed. A divorce agreement cannot be changed without the consent of both parties—it is legally enforceable.

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